This book offers a path to true freedom. Radical Acceptance does not mean self-indulgence or passivity. Instead, it empowers genuine change: healing fear and shame and helping to build loving, authentic relationships with ourselves and others. Tara Brach, the author, brings her teachings alive through personal stories and case histories, fresh interpretations of Buddhist tales, and guided meditations.
Radical acceptance encourages us to accept ourselves and our reality for what they are, and not what we imagine them to be. Only once we achieve self-acceptance do we begin to reap the rewards that this mental state yields. In simple terms, radical acceptance teaches us techniques and methods that help us work towards self-acceptance; and eventually, self-love and inner peace.
Key Takeaways from Radical Acceptance
Takeaway #1: Most of us live in a state of inadequacy, and Western culture is to blame.
If you’ve ever felt deeply dissatisfied with your current circumstances, maybe you should consider how Western culture has impacted your feelings of dissatisfaction. Western society in general is very future-focused centred. We’re always in pursuit of the next big goal, and what we currently have never seems to be good enough. Even when we are immersed in the present, it’s easy to get distracted and find ourselves preoccupied with other, irrelevant things. Essentially, prioritizing future concerns and allowing them to weigh heavily on your mind will deprive you of getting the most from your life now.
Takeaway #2: If you’re not able to let go of past behaviors, try looking inwards to find out why.
If you’re working on putting an end to your destructive habits, the first thing you should do is look inwards and see how you’re feeling about yourself. Taking time to reflect on your inner and mental health is always a great starting point when you’re in the midst of challenges. Besides doing a mental-wellness check, ask yourself why you’ve been stuck in the same patterns. If you can’t break old habits, there’s obviously something keeping you there—most likely, it’s the feelings of comfort and security that old habits bring. Though you might not suspect, often what keeps us from breaking bad habits are our insecurities. Fears of stepping out of your comfort zone, taking risks and the potential for being rejected are fears we all face to grow and progress in life.
Takeaway #3 Tackling adversity head-on is better for you in the long run.
Trying to control situations that are out of your control doesn’t help you deal with your pain, or help you move on. Facing emotions means confronting them head-on; not avoiding them. If you don’t deal with your emotional and mental problems as they occur, then you damage yourself more in the long run by bottling up your emotions and letting them fester and grow. The next time you’re in a tough situation, do the following: pause and pay attention to how you’re feeling in the situation. If you’re being tempted by a desire or previous habit, think about the consequences that would come from acting on the impulse. This strategy will help you make better and more clear-headed decisions.
Takeaway #4: Radical acceptance means embracing your emotions as you have them.
A key element of radical acceptance has to do with confronting our emotions as they occur. It takes courage and vulnerability to express how you’re feeling at any given moment, especially communicating the way you’re feeling to others. Accepting the way you feel in a situation is a way of embracing radical acceptance because by acknowledging your emotions you recognize that they are real and exist. It’s important that we don’t deny or reject our emotions just because we may feel embarrassed or uncomfortable by having them. Take care of your emotional well-being by acknowledging the emotions as you experience them.
Takeaway #5: The next time you are in the grip of your emotions, pay attention to your physical reactions.
Our emotions can cause our bodies to experience physical reactions as well. When you’re in the throes of an emotional episode, you may feel physically tense and agitated. It’s normal to experience these kinds of physical symptoms when we feel emotionally distraught because our bodies and minds are connected (and if you’re feeling emotional, your physical body is going to respond to the emotion too.) This is why our emotions are often responsible for causing us stress and anxiety. The next time you feel seized by your emotions, stop and pay attention to the physical response you are having and see if you can handle the situation better by managing your physical reaction.
Takeaway #6: Accepting your suffering can lead to personal and emotional growth.
Many of us are extremely critical of ourselves. We get stuck in negative self-talk and fall down the rabbit hole of self-criticism. Though you may not recognize it, sometimes we engage in negative self-talk so that we can avoid confronting how we really feel. Rejecting our feelings and suffering doesn’t help us deal with them or move forward. It’s only through accepting our suffering and emotions that we can properly deal with them and make progress in moving forward. Buddhism encourages us to embrace our suffering. By greeting our suffering with a positive attitude, we actually become more compassionate and empathic people. In a way, suffering is how we become better and how we learn to persevere.
My Favorite Quotes from Radical Acceptance
"The biggest tragedy of our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns...Each day we listen to inner voices that keep our life small.”
"Nothing is wrong—whatever is happening is just “real life."..... Pain is not wrong. Reacting to pain as wrong initiates the trance of unworthiness. The moment we believe something is wrong, our world shrinks and we lose ourselves in the effort to combat the pain.”
“We are uncomfortable because everything in our life keeps changing... all things come and go. Lacking any permanent satisfaction, we continuously need another injection of fuel, stimulation, reassurance from loved ones, medicine, exercise, and meditation. We are continually driven to become something more, to experience something else.”
"When someone says to us, as Thich Nhat Hanh suggests, "Darling, I care about your suffering," a deep healing begins.”
"Radical Acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is... Clearly recognizing what is happening inside us, and regarding what we see with an open, kind, and loving heart, is what I call Radical Acceptance. If we are holding back from any part of our experience, if our heart shuts out any part of who we are and what we feel, we are fueling the fears and feelings of separation that sustain the trance of unworthiness.
"...true freedom is being "without anxiety about imperfection.”
"There is something wonderfully bold and liberating about saying yes to our entire imperfect and messy life.”
"Observing desire without acting on it enlarges our freedom to choose how we live... If we are taken over by craving, no matter who or what is before us, all we can see is how it might satisfy our needs. This kind of thirst contracts our body and mind into a profound trance. We move through the world with a kind of tunnel vision that prevents us from enjoying what is in front of us. The color of an autumn leaves or a passage of poetry merely amplifies the feeling that there is a gaping hole in our life. The smile of a child only reminds us that we are painfully childless. We turn away from simple pleasures because our craving compels us to seek more intense stimulation or numbing relief.”
...This revolutionary act of treating ourselves tenderly can begin to undo the aversive messages of a lifetime."
“In bullfighting there is an interesting parallel to the pause as a place of refuge and renewal. It is believed that in the midst of a fight, a bull can find his own particular area of safety in the arena. There he can reclaim his strength and power. This place and inner state are called his querencia. As long as the bull remains enraged and reactive, the matador is in charge. Yet when he finds his querencia, he gathers his strength and loses his fear. From the matador's perspective, at this point the bull is truly dangerous, for he has tapped into his power.”
"The only way to live is by accepting each minute as an unrepeatable miracle.”
“Learning to pause is the first step in the practice of Radical Acceptance. A pause is a suspension of activity, a time of temporary disengagement when we are no longer moving toward any goal... The pause can occur in the midst of almost any activity and can last for an instant, for hours or for seasons of our life..."
"Feeling that something is wrong with me is the invisible and toxic gas I am always breathing.” When we experience our lives through this lens of personal insufficiency, we are imprisoned in what I call the trance of unworthiness. Trapped in this trance, we are unable to perceive the truth of who we really are.”
"Staying occupied is a socially sanctioned way of remaining distant from our pain.”
“The muscles used to make a smile actually send a biochemical message to our nervous system that it is safe to relax the flight of freeze response.”
“Attention is the most basic form of love. By paying attention we let ourselves be touched by life, and our hearts naturally become more open and engaged.”
"If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility."
― Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha
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Editor and Founder
Tal Gur is a location independent entrepreneur, author, and impact investor. After trading his daily grind for a life of his own daring design, he spent a decade pursuing 100 major life goals around the globe. His most recent book and bestseller, The Art of Fully Living - 1 Man, 10 Years, 100 Life Goals Around the World, has set the stage for his new mission: elevating society to its abundance potential.